This, Too, is What a Feminist Looks Like


No Regrets!

Last week I had a conversation that left me quite disturbed. I became incensed when a male acquaintance of mine casually referred to one of my female friends as a “loose” woman. Later that day, I decided to really sit with that feeling and try to understand why it bothered me so much.

You might think that perhaps I was just standing up for my friend–that I was demanding respect for my girlfriend. But my anger felt much bigger than that. I guess my main concern was, if this young woman was judged so harshly for her sexual conduct, what does that mean for me? This and other questions ran through my mind, such as: What exactly is the criteria used to make such a judgment? Is it the number of partners she’s had? Is it how quickly she jumps into bed with a guy?

In asking myself these questions, I realized what the real problem was: There is no way to judge my friend for her sex life without also insulting me and, for that matter, countless other women who are not afraid of their sexuality. Furthermore, no one–especially not this particularly promiscuous male acquaintance–has the right to pass such judgment. And it really is a shame that in the year 2013, women are still having to deal with such archaic ideas.

I came to several conclusions after that conversation: First, that I have no regrets about taking the stand that I took in defending my friend. Second, I am not sure that I want to maintain a friendship with anyone who holds sexually liberated women in such contempt. Third, that I am incredibly fortunate to have a man in my life who loves me exactly as I am. And last, that I want to surround myself with like-minded people. As a result, I created a Meetup group in my city that is focused on redefining what it means to be a woman. I am not at all extroverted, but when I feel passionate about something, it can be highly motivating.

I am happy to report that, as of today, my group has about eight new members. I am hoping this can be the start of something positive and meaningful.


About Paola Mata

Mobile Developer @BuzzFeed. Co-founder of NYC Tech Latinas. Follow me: @PaolaNotPaolo

Posted on January 21, 2013, in Life, Women and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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